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Wednesday, May 19, 2010
the sun came out. I noticed among the people a feeling of joy, renewal. The cook at the Garlic Press usually has a dour face, but today she was snapping her fingers--to the music. I turned around and couldn't believe it was the same person.
Yes, the mundane is everything . . .
I chased after a rabbit just to see how far I could run . . . it wasn't very far.
There is this pull toward a greater livelihood. I am pulled by aspirations and dreams despite the absurdity of these dreams.
I am still alone today, but it's not so lonely.
Ignorance is easy--like sleepwalking. But then, you also have to walk to get out of it, to wake up. Life is flat and then suddenly it's remarkably contoured, twisted, curvy, long . . .
On the trail, walking--for hours. My thoughts were like loose pockets, holding nothing. I could hear the trees creaking above the bridge . . .
Funny how I make a choice and then my life begins to unfold in a different way. It's a pattern made up of moments.
Instead of pining for a different life--a miserable condition of wanting something that never comes--I started to believe one choice could alter this life . . .
The hours are empty. They were always empty. Before I filled them with hatred, self-loathing. Now, for some strange reason, friends are calling me.
Yes, you're right. I feel better.
I want to remember this.
But don't we lose wisdom? I've tumbled into old ways like an alcoholic stepping into familiar taverns.
The wisdom is deeply personal. It relates to a specific circumstance.
After all, I'm just shining like the sun today. Nobody with nothing inside. And these words are all temporary. They mark my place in one instant.
Labels: meditation
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